So it’s over for another year, and in your millions you voted to make Little Mix X Factor champions 2011. In doing so you saddled us with another insipid act that you’ll now refuse to back by spending 79 whole new pence on a download. That’s right folks; all those millions of votes should transfer into around 300,000 sales of the winners’ single if the girls are lucky. These will of course slowly ebb away as time goes by and routine sets in. Soon enough you’ll once again be distracted by ‘Celebrity in a Jungle Big Brother from Essex Made in Chelsea Fat Gypsy Strictly Dine with Me on Ice Road Truckers’ you sad.........
Meanwhile the little devil on Damien Rice’s right shoulder is rubbing his hands together at the thought of all that PRS loot, whilst the little angel on his left is praying for an early grave so he can turn in it after hearing what a dog’s dinner they’ve made of his work
Speaking of the devil, the incarnate one has already recruited Richard ‘Biff’ Standard (writer of ‘Wannabe’) to work with the group, fueling the already lightning spreading ‘Girl Power 2’ fire. Of course Gary Barlow won’t be far away either, simply because he can’t help himself, bless him.
The only upside is that doctors are expecting a brief burst of activity from obese children, as they pry themselves away from being force fed the factor brand, vibrating joysticks, their mobile phones and facebook, just long enough to learn a dance step or two. That should equal 27 less diabetic 11 year olds in 2012 with any luck.
Thousands upon thousands of new and old acts, and millions and millions of songs exist out there, and still you’re happy to take the Factor juggernaut up the arse like a giant suppository that keeps you sedated, rather than risk discovering something for yourself. Surely that’s just a little uncomfortable? Look, all you have to do is stop tweeting that you’re just about to have a cup of tea and put your feet up for the night and Google search new music, you may just find something you love.
I wouldn’t mind betting that the most new music your average X Factor fan has experienced in recent memory was tuning in to the Beeb for the ‘Children In Need’ Rocks concert’, and I bet you weren’t expecting that were you? You see, take away choice and the end result is out of your hands. There you were expecting such an array of big stars to roll out the hits for the nation’s less well-off children, and what did you get? Act after act essentially and shamelessly plugging their new records. Only Elbow, Coldplay and GB himself dipped into the back catalogue to please the punters. The final insult being Michael Buble bashing out Christmas tunes for a charity gig in mid November. Buble has since replaced James Blunt (think cockney rhyming slang) as the ultimate swear word in my house, and no, I don’t care what a nice bloke he’s said to be.
Pop music of all kinds is something we do fantastically well in this country, so please please stop dumbing it down. So there you have it. Discover something new, discover something you love, and when you do, let me know about it.