Friday, 2 August 2013

Falling Off Maps, Babyshambles, The Drives & The Minx - Single Reviews

Falling Off Maps –' Honest'


In a another time and space, Falling Off Maps plotted an altogether more predictable set of coordinates in a previous guise as Headway; even managing to sync the track ‘Lord Knows’ to the ever popular TV series ‘ER’. Listening to tracks from their forthcoming album ‘A Seaside Town in Winter’ you wonder if life in that erstwhile incarnation had been a bruising experience, such is the vulnerable qualities of their current material.

‘Honest’, due for release Aug 12th is a case in point:  Perhaps a little Elbow (circa 98 to 2000), a touch of Death Cab for a Cutie certainly, whilst the Thom Yorke associations will be hard to ignore.  References aside, nothing deters from the fact that this is refined piece of writing. There’s a real organic feel to ‘Honest’, and despite the song’s compact structure, a real sense of freedom too. David Wright’s vocal is cradled sympathetically by understated strings and spectral backing vocals, and seems to have avoided all technical tampering which is a bona fide breath of fresh air.

If we’re to have a grumble which is our want, it’s that Joe Watts’ delicate looping guitar line is used just a little too sparingly. Now that wasn’t too bad was it?


Babyshambles - 'Farmer’s Daughter'


This has got to be the best thing to come out of the Doherty camp for what seems like an age. Now we don’t have a hotline to the Babyshambles Bat Cave but this record genuinely sounds like young Peter may have finally got his s**t  together; for  if it’s possible for a voice to sound healthy then this is it.

As Doherty sings;

"You've been travelling on a dusty road, break some bread with me.                                              Wife and donkey on dusty road, break some bread with me"

Not for one instance do we think he’s found religion, but perhaps this is a rebirth of a kind.

The guitar lines are erudite, with perhaps just a touch of a ’Sweet Jane’ introducing  a verse that builds to a belter of a chorus which has indie anthem written right through it like a stick of Brighton rock.

They say “a fool and his money are easily parted” and with that in mind we’re not holding our breath,  as experience tells you to be prudent where Doherty is concerned. But the signs are that Babyshambles may have made a record worth reinvesting your time, money and love in.



The Drives – ‘It Might Have Been’ EP


The internet is both a wonderful and dangerous beast, just ask the folks at Wikileaks. In music terms it’s become the indispensable tool for artists and punters alike, as much part of the fabric as TV’s out of hotel windows, huge major label deals and Top of the Pops ever were.

For all artists, the opportunity to communicate directly with their fans, promote their brand and sell their wares has become a truly powerful weapon. With such a weapon at your disposal, the pressure on young bands to pull the trigger is often overwhelming. If you’re not posting, tweeting, updating or adding content it must feel like you’re standing still, the tendency then, is to rush.

The Drives (as far as we can tell) have been together a little over a year, with ten or so gigs under their belts, and yet we find them releasing their debut EP ‘It Might Have Been’.

It feels like it’s just too early to make such a statement, does no one make demos anymore?
As demos these recordings would be quite exciting, with ‘’Circus’ (a little Joy Division, a little Strokes) and ‘Of Age’ being the highlights. The latter like an early Libertines covering Dinosaur Junior’s ‘Freak Scene’.  As a fully-fledged release however, they lack the skills that only come with time. There’s a sense that Joe Perrott is yet to fully discover his own voice and how it’s best placed, whilst some of the transitions feel jarred, and the recordings themselves lack that sparkle and finesse that’s associated with the finished article.

‘It Might have Been’ in parts shows real promise, but The Drives will make better recordings and probably write better songs than this, and I suspect they know it. So, why the rush boys?  


The Minx – ‘Hey! Mr Warden’ EP


The Minx have been busy boys since we last caught up with them, so apologies to readers for our tardiness in putting fingers to keyboard, but patience is a virtue after all.

There was a glorious period in the late 70’s when the lines between punk, new wave and hairtrigger mod revival seemed to get wonderfully blurred. I remember those salad days of a tribal London Kings Road with great fondness. If like me you’re old enough to remember such times, it’s likely that The Minx new EP ‘Hey Mr Warden’ can spirit you back in the blink of an eye.

The Minx are true standard bearers for something of worth being a sum of its parts: From Haddon’s nasal sneer, to Robinson’s simple hooks, McIntyre’s flourishes or Stuttard and Evans’ driving rhythm. In the world of Minx everyone has a job to do and they’re comfortable doing it.  Be it pushing the issue, reining it in, or putting the cherry on top, it just works.

It’s ‘Forest Bank’ that’s getting them the breakthrough radio play with its elementary earworms and a chorus driven to within an inch of its life, but ‘Hey! Mr Warden’ offers much more than just its lead track. ‘Walking On My Grave’ sees Stuttard take the helm with a bass line that puts us in mind of The Jam’s  Mr Foxton  circa ‘Eaton Rifles’ period, whilst  ‘Out The Other Ear’ (although tipping more than a wink to The Stranglers ‘Dagenham Dave’) could easily have fronted this release. Complete with surfing safari backing vocals and terrace chant chorus, it delivers a bolt of undeniable energy.


In short, The Minx are producing punk pop that’s as infectious as a dose of chickenpox in a playground; catch it now!



Thursday, 25 July 2013

Gaoler's Daughter, Scouting for Girls, Shambles Miller, Crybaby Special - Singles Reviewed


Gaoler's Daughter - 'Cordelia'


Indie is surely an obsolete word these days, whether in relation to labels (most bands don’t have them) or genre, I mean where do you draw the line? I only raise the question because Gaoler’s Daughter ‘Cordelia’ would assuredly sit comfortably alongside the likes of Two Door Cinema Club or Bastille on mainstream radio; and with the gentlest of nudges that’s likely where they’re heading.

John Sterry’s vocals are easy on the ear and take little to digest, whilst the rhythm section cajole and probe in all the right places. It's Alex Mahood’s considered chiming guitar, awash with reverb and on a charm offensive that really lifts the song though. If this man is not a fan of a certain Mr Marr I will promptly buy a hat for the sole purpose of eating it.

It may not be a giant leap in musical exploration, but take a quick look in your crystal ball and you’ll probably see bigger stages and even bigger smiles for all concerned.




Scouting for Girls - Millionaire


We really thought we’d seen the last of Scouting for Girls, but just when it looked safe
to go camping again; it seems the Jamboree is back on.

The release of Millionaire is the precursor to a greatest hits album which only begs the question why? Well, money obviously and/or unfulfilled label commitments, but that’s beside the point.

So what of the song itself? As with much of SFG’s previous work it leaves us utterly unmoved. It’s an overly sentimental slice of acoustic pop that would best serve on a soundtrack of a Richard Curtis rom-com. Whether it’s a premeditated attempt to hitch a ride on a particular bandwagon or not, it still comes across like saccharin-coated Ed Sheeran or a Badly Drawn cast off left on the studio floor.
 
Scouting’s frontman Roy Stride has recently penned a song for teenie darlings One Direction. Perhaps had this offering emerged from their camp it may have made more sense.


Shambles Miller – Deadpool


It’s a little hard to explain, but often when you listen to a new artist you get a sense of where they’d like to be. Does their music suggest a bid for stadiums and world domination or just a need for someone, anyone to care?

If Shambles Miller were to place a personal ad in his local paper (I’m not suggesting he needs to by the way) I’m guessing it would read something like this:

Male singer songwriter seeks women/men, GSOH essential, for debates and musical soul mates, to share nights out and good times.

You see, listening to Shambles Miller’s ‘Deadpool’ there is no sense of a man desperate for pop acceptance, overreaching for the next run on the fame ladder. It’s more a feeling of a man who just needs to get it all out, and the medium he’s chosen just happens to be song.

Shambles is a troubadour in its truest sense. The acoustic lines are simple, and because they’re simple they have charm. He is a story teller, and his witty even whimsical view of life is what draws you in.

Let’s cut to the chase. Shamble’s music will not change the face of popular music or make a full blooded assault on the charts. It’s simply music for music’s sake; and for that reason alone we should probably embrace it



 Crybaby Special – ‘One Winged Bird’



Crybaby Special have been making waves, presumably by dropping a horse into their local lido. Their off kilter theatrical approach to making music will have many running for cover; but not us, we’re made of sterner stuff.

To say that Crybaby Special are uncompromising is probably an understatement. In pulling no punches the chance of mainstream radio is pie in the proverbial sky, but a shoe-in for 6 Music we’ll wager.

In ‘One Winged Bird’ they raise the stakes once more, with Jason Stafford’s vocals tortured and twisting from falsetto to gutter growl. Rhythmically, ska leanings have been exchanged for a waltz which only adds to the slightly demonic fairground feel.


In short it’s like Space and Captain Beefheart have been put in a blender, which either makes it utterly f**ked up or very clever indeed. We’ll let you decide.


Thursday, 18 July 2013

Pink, Sisteray, Bridie Jackson & the Arbour, Kings of Leon - Single Reviews

Pink – ‘True Love’

When Pink arrived on the scene in the early noughties  there was a sense that she was willing to push boundaries, bend the rules a little, if not quite ready to break them. Fast forward 13 years and she seems content to plough the pop-rock furrow and reap the rewards of a tried and tested formula. Perhaps marriage and child have mellowed her, blunted her once feisty blade.

“I was extreme... from skateboarder to hip-hopper to rave child to lead singer of a rock band - I did it all, and all at the same time…. You can’t move mountains by whispering at them.”  The singer once said.

Whilst there are few signs of such attitude in ‘True Love’, there is no argument from us that it’s going to be a universally massive HIT. ‘True Love’ is supremely well-crafted pop, with an arms aloft chorus and a natty video in tow for good measure. Even Lilly Allen’s cameo flows seamlessly, which all points to Pink still being an artist riding the crest of the wave.


Sisteray – ‘Take it Away / Happy Endings’


Hear at EarTwister Towers we love a bit of dirty garage Rock ‘n’ Roll as much as the next
man/woman .  So it was with much excitement that we started downloading Sisteray’s double A side release whilst reading their press release.

‘They bring together all the sounds of the greatest Rock ‘N’ Roll bands to the table with their own style and attitude.’

Wow, hurry up download.

‘They’ve sold out legendary 100 Club through word of mouth alone; a feat that has previously been achieved by The Sex Pistols.’

Bloody hell, get it on; hold on a minute, it is on….  “Ever get the feeling you’ve been cheated”

All 278 of their Facebook followers will undoubtedly be baying for our blood after reading this, but that won’t change the fact that Sisteray are one dimensional copyists and not very good ones at that. Our You Tube search doesn’t help matters; revealing a rehearsal room vid of the London four piece attempting a half arsed cover of the Arctic’s ‘I Bet That You Look Good on the Dancefloor ‘ at the top of their listings.

You may have fooled the Romford Recorder and Croydon Radio boys but there’s no local bias or charity at work here.

So, how to sum up? ‘Take It Away’, YES PLEASE, and ‘Happy Endings’, We doubt it very much.


Bridie Jackson & The Arbour – Prolong


There is no doubting that Bridie Jackson has an exquisite voice, and in ‘Prolong’ it is both transcendent and tender and in the right setting quite magical. So take our advice and choose carefully where you choose to listen to Bridie’s brand of ethereal folk, it could make all the difference.
 As luck would have it I’m listening and writing in my garden. The sun has just dipped behind the neighbour’s large red Maple tree and dappled sunlight skips across the lawn as poppies dance in the faintest breeze; perfect. I wouldn’t necessarily recommend the tube though, not unless it’s at a standstill.



Kings of Leon – Super Soaker


It’s not always easy this reviewing malarkey; in particular when all you have to go on is questionable
(in quality) You Tube footage from recent London shows. So, we’ll tread a little carefully until we hear the studio version, but what do we make of Kings’ return thus far? For those of you clamouring for the glory days of 2004’s ‘Aha Shake Heartbreak’ we suspect you’ll be a little underwhelmed.


OK, so it doesn’t quite carry the stench of stadium tat that’s been served up on recent outings, but nor does it hark back to the days when parental advisory stickers were required on album sleeves. In truth it sounds a little halfway house. We may well be wrong; in fact we hope we are. All will be revealed when the band release their ‘’Mechanical Bull’ album later this year; fingers crossed.

Thursday, 4 July 2013

Franz Ferdinand - Taylor Swift ft. Ed Sheeran - Paul Mclinden - Kitten Pyramid SINGLE REVIEWS


Franz Ferdinand – Right Action



Franz Ferdinand announce their long awaited return in no uncertain style. Still present and correct are the astute overlapping guitar lines and sharp lyrics, riding a Disco-esque romp that’s reminiscent of Blondie’s ‘Heart of Glass’ in a pub brawl with Blur’s Girls & Boys. The result is a well-crafted piece of writing that gets directly to the point with no diversions.
   
I think it’s fair to say that on their last outing Franz were sounding a little punch-drunk, so after such a lengthy sabbatical a strong opening round was a given.  In ‘Right Action’ they may have landed a decisive knockout blow in this preliminary bout, whilst the bell was still ringing in doubters' ears. Next up however, the album, an altogether trickier opponent. Seconds out, Round 2.


Taylor Swift ft. Ed Sheeran: 'Everything Has Changed


I would recommend that anyone with a weak stomach or a pathological hatred for the Andrex puppy
 steer well clear of the video for ‘Everything Has Changed’. So sickly sweet is this all too predictable pop folk ditty and its accompanying images, that it’s akin to eating Vanessa Phelps’ weight in profiteroles. I can testify to this, having only made it half way down the bowl before power vomiting my way into the record books. So; an unequivocal massive HIT then.

One can only presume that it will bolster Ed’s profile stateside, otherwise we fail to see the point. NEXT



Paul Mclinden – Fix


There is nothing my better half enjoys more than a stroll amongst the stalls of a good foody fair or market. I on the other hand often find a tomato tastes like a tomato. When presented with fifty different varieties of said fruit I become paralysed by indifference, unable to muster the energy to wade through the quicksand of subtle contrasts. This dilemma however pales into insignificance when compared to young artists trying to enter the singer songwriter market, let-alone navigate its overcrowded waters.  Reviewing such artists presents similar difficulties, not helped by Glastonbury leaving me Odell and Ben Howarded out. The trouble is; when force fed a diet so bland, everything starts to taste bland. It makes you want to chew on a bucket full of Trinidad Scorpion Chillies.

So how does Paul Mclinden fare, faced with so much flotsam? Well, whilst there’s no doubting his skill level, songs like ‘Book Burning’ and ‘Footnotes’ do little more than tread the muddied waters. In ‘Fix’ however there is promise, a sense of some urgency  and a slightly bigger set of balls. Mr Mclinden, we can only urge you to take this fork in the river and steam full ahead, slowing only to broadside Odell on your way.


Kitten Pyramid - Uh Oh


Sometime in the 1990’s Manchester I drank some particularly strong mushroom tea. A poster of
Michael Angelo’s David spoke to me:  the Poplar trees in Ladybarn Park lay on their sides, I was held hostage by a grinning MG Midget on Clyde road, before having a conversation with some pink spiders made from cotton thread in my then girlfriend’s bedroom. Kitten Pyramid’s ‘Uh Oh’ puts me in mind of said night; I’ll leave it to you to decide whether or not this is a good thing?

Saturday, 23 February 2013

Kate Nash, The Strokes & Primal Scream Single Reviews




After the snooze-a-thon that was the BRITs 2013 we are in desperate need of a musical shot in the arm, so it’s back to the coal face in the hope…actually, just in hope.

Kate Nash - 3am

Kate strikes a blow for strong women here with an altogether predictable take on the break-up song.

“You are the one I think of all the night and all the night it feels so right.                                                                   
 I miss your arms, the way you kiss me, the way you pull me in so tight.                                                                               
 It makes me sick the way we fight, but I want you so bad tonight, yeah baby “  

So the machine gun delivery of lyrics straight from the back pages of an exercise book are sure to strike a note with any teenage girl nursing their first broken heart, but what of the music? For our two-penneth worth the melody is not of the calibre we’ve come to expect from Miss Nash. In fact, I’d go as far as to say it’s rather like a Housemartins cast off with the needle stuck in the groove. If you’re feeling down in the dumps Kate, my advice is to put down the ice cream and listen to Kirsty MacColl’s ‘Free World’, I did and I feel much better now.




The Strokes – All The Time

There had been murmurings of discontent in some quarters that The Strokes had lost their way somewhat, straying a little too far from the path of righteousness. Thankfully, it seems last year’s Christmas crackers (along with the novelty ring and spinning top) delivered that all important compass to go with the best of A Ha album left under the New Yorkers’ tree.

If you’re fans of the ‘Is This It’ era, you’ll be glad to hear that the boys have used said compass to navigate their way from the kitchen, with all those experimental ingredients, back to their spiritual home of the garage.  ‘All The Time’ is The Strokes getting back to basics. The guitars are dirty, melodies strong and Casablancas’ vocal sounds great. If you’re lucky enough to own a convertible the chorus will have you dropping the roof and demanding the sunshine. For the rest of you, you’ll just have to be content that in wading in at under three minutes you’ll be reaching for the repeat button soon enough.


Primal Scream - 2013

I first heard this song as a set opener thundering from a PA in Heaton Park whilst on Stone Roses reviewing duties, the Scream of course were supporting. I’m sure (unsurprisingly) it was then called 2012 and clocked in at the business end of nine minutes, this then is clearly the radio edit.

In truth the hatchet job for commercial radio has done the song no favours. It somehow detracts by confining the songs power; in short, the full length version has bigger balls and sharper teeth. That said, in comparison to the impotence on offer at the annual industry back-slapping carousal it’s a breath of fresh air.

Over contorted trumpet and a discord of phased guitars, Gillespie’s politicised rhetoric works up a sweat, and fans of 2000’s ‘XTRMNTR’ may once again be in business.  There’s certain to be a few wordsmiths and cynics who cry “hackneyed” and in itself that only means they’re missing the point.

If I could change one thing, it would be to have had this song written and performed by some young guns prior to accepting the BRIT for best British breakthrough act from David Joseph. I mean; surely it’s the job of 50 year olds to f*#k up the world, not try in put it to rights. Come on kids; pull your bloody fingers out.


Saturday, 9 February 2013

Tribes , Exclamation Pony and Willy Moon (Singles Reviews)


Tribes – How the Other Half Live


We like Tribes here at Twister Towers and it’s safe to say that their debut album ‘Baby’ was a triumph, in particular with Mrs Twister who placed it high on her summer playlist last year. It’s with a slightly heavy heart then that we have to admit to being a tad disappointed by their latest offering.

It’s by no means without appeal, with the verses in particular delivering the melodic strength to which we have become accustomed from the Camden boys. Still, you have to ask yourself where ‘How the Other Half Live’ would have ranked as a single choice had it been up against its predecessors from the aforementioned ’Baby ‘.  After several listens we’d have to say it falls a little short of the euphoria of ‘We Were Children’, the straightforward pop bluster of ‘When My Day Comes’, and the falsetto charms of ‘Sappho’ .

Instead, the song is driven by a bluesier  guitar vogue that we’re told is part of a ‘bigger and more mature sound’, whilst in structure, ‘How the Other Half Lives’ is simplicity itself. Intro gives way to verse-chorus, verse-chorus, solo, and a Rolling Stones-esque outro that only needs a few woo woos and bongos for that ‘Sympathy’ feel.

So what’s the verdict?  Well, Tribes are far from off our Christmas card list, and as Johnny Lloyd belts  “Give-it, give-it, give-it, you gotta give it more time”, we’re more than happy to do so.. That said, if this is indicative of maturity, then a shot of puerile wouldn’t go a-miss.

Exclamation Pony – Rumours


So with the Cribs taking a break how has Ryan Jarman been filling his time? The answer it seems is Exclamation Pony, a collaboration that's seen him up sticks and move to New York to work with Jen Turner, once of Thom Yorke’s favourite Brooklyn indie kids Here We Go Magic.

The result it has to be said is not a million miles away from the Cribs. Perhaps the most obvious contrast may be Jarman’s upbeat demeanour. He fairly skips through the all-be-it barbed lyrics, supported by breezy backing vocals that suggest spring is just round the corner. One can only presume there is more to this collaboration than just mutual musical appreciation.

How long Ryan’s sabbatical from his brothers is set to last may become apparent as Exclamation Pony ride into town for some UK dates this month, but by the sound of it he’s actually enjoying himself.

Willy Moon – My Girl


Is it just me, or has the wait for Willy Moon’s debut album taken a lifetime? Currently on a month long tour of America, his return will herald the release of the single ‘My Girl’ before the album ‘Here Comes Willy Moon’ finally sees the light of day.

So what of ‘My Girl’? Willy has stated that he was trying to make ‘something really simple and stripped back, a dumb pop song’; I think we can say without fear of legal action it’s mission accomplished Willy.

'My Girl’ is sixties pop kitsch meets big breaks head-on, and dam the consequences. The lyrics are saccharin, the melody familiar to the point of déjà vu; all that’s missing are the hand-claps. It really does have the feel of a cover version, yet it’s a Moon original and I fully expect him to get away with it. In fact, I fully expect it to be playlisted just about everywhere. This is a full-blooded assault on the masses and I suspect it will succeed whether you like it or not. As the impending album title declares, ‘Here Comes Willy Moon’.

Friday, 18 January 2013

Blindfolds - Bombers & Teleman - New Releases Reviewd


Blindfolds - Black Magic – (Voodoo EP)

There are reasons behind tradition and cliché; they are usually built on solid foundations, tried and tested and known to work. If a new parent declares the birth of their first child to be a life changing experience, there is little else to add. In the world of rock ‘n’ roll there is little difference. Its spirit, whether in the hands of kids tinkering with electronic gizmos or those who prefer to wield a traditional six string, is steeped in tradition, with surprises increasingly difficult to come by. All of which brings us to Glasgow rockers Blindfolds and their debut EP Voodoo. 
 
The four track offering, all guttural guitars and sneers, resides in a dark smelly venue in which your feet stick uncomfortably to the floor, and in keeping with tradition there is little wrong with that. For references you need look no further than The Black Keys or Findlay although unlike either, blindfolds do little to push or play with boundaries.  I mean, why wouldn't an EP called Voodoo open with a track called Black Magic.  The opening riff is a little ‘Your Sister’ meets ‘ Spirit in the Sky’, which of course is ‘Gold On the Ceiling’, which in turn is ‘Jean Genie’, which……..  

The trouble is that in truth (despite being pleasant enough) I find John O’Neil’s vocal just a touch one dimensional, when it should be grabbing me by the balls. It’s lifted somewhat by the falsetto woos which I personally would have cranked in the mix but I’m still craving a melodic left turn or a rhythmic twist.  As opening sorties go it’s by no means a shocker, but it falls well short of the way we felt when first hearing the White Stripes.



Bombers - Drawing c/w Buddy’s In A Cult

The Bombers are yet another band to emerge from the so called B-Town scene, oh how I hate f**king scenes, ever since The Blow Monkeys started digging them. That said; let’s not hold it against them.

‘Drawing’ is the follow up to their ‘Film Frantic’ EP, and wading in at a little under two minutes you don’t have long to get to grips with the spikey guitars and pushy syncopated bass before this jerky disconsolate post punk workout draws to a close .

“Forget Manchester, it’s all about the B-Town scene” writes Alison King in the Independent. No little irony then that Joy Division and The Fall (sometime between ‘It’s the New Thing’ and ‘Totally Wired’) rate right up there if you’re looking to pigeonhole via relation.

 As the shambolic guitar solo which will be as awkward to as many as it is charming, gives way to the final chorus,  there’s just time enough time for David Duell to yelp a crowning “I can tell I’m going wrong, I’m already there” and we’re done.

So do we like it? Well yes, to a point, but it’s far from a decisive salvo and we’ll want to hear more. If they’re looking for radio support, 6 Music is their most likely ally, perhaps XFM post drive-time.  Meanwhile, it looks like it’s up and down the M6 for now.



Teleman – Cristina

At first listen Cristina seems to be an unassuming little number that one could playlist with Alt J or The XX if they made pop records, but let’s not be too hasty. Give it a few listens and you’ll see it’s more like a recipe for a Hungarian Seven-Layer Cake. OK, maybe seven layers is laying it on a bit thick but you get the gist right?

The pop art drone introduction soon eases into to a simple keys sway that puts me in mind of a night spent with a They Might Be Giants accordion loop on go slow time. It’s coupled with an endearing vocal melody which is no surprise, as Teleman are in fact two thirds of Pete & and Pirates, who were never short of a hook or two themselves.

What is surprising then is that the Sanders brothers have added another influence not obvious in their work with the Pirates. In both the opening bassline and the vocal, in particular as Sanders coos “Lie down and let the music play nothing in the way now”, is the unmistakeable imprint of Brian Wilson’s Beach Boys, and that’s rarely a bad thing.

So why not follow Teleman’s advice and take a little time to get horizontal with Cristina, we believe the current term you’ll be looking for is earworm. 

If there is one disappointment, it was to find that the second line wasn't “I never meant to be the fat kid”, but I guess you can’t have everything.